When Things Don't Go Your Way

Dear Reader,

What do you do when things don't go the way you want them to?

I had thought that my life was pretty planned out for the next few years. I'd go and study my Bachelor's at a uni in Singapore, since Singapore is close to my family and friends. I'd study well, go to church, make friends, experience independence while missing that dependence.... this was the life that I had constructed in my mind.


Never had I thought that my applications would be rejected.

With that, my dreams came crashing down, and I am left wondering what God wanted me to do.

It's like there's no floor underneath my feet and I'm falling with nothing to catch me.

My best-laid plans have just gone way off track.

Ever experienced that?

I've been forced to take a step back and re-evaluate the choices I have made since before finishing high school earlier this year.

And thankfully, my parents have been the ones who helped me take that reality check.

I've realized, that from before, my heart had been set on going to Singapore. I had not wanted to go elsewhere because I felt that anywhere else would be too far from my family.

I decided on that before really consulting God. So God closed those doors because I wasn't listening to Him and to His will for my life.

We are told that God has a plan for our lives, that His thoughts to us are thoughts of peace (Jeremiah 29:11, KJV).

So when we decide to not listen to Him and His plan and think that our way is better.... well, I think we all know what happens.

The funny thing is, after I was rejected by those Singaporean universities, my parents learned that life in those universities was actually very stressful and competitive. That students would work all day and night just to be better than the rest.

(That is actually normal behavior in Singaporean culture. One has the mentality to be better than the rest. It's even harder if you don't have the finance to be on par with the other students. Only the grace of God enabled my friends to succeed and complete university in Singapore.)

So... it turns out that what I thought was good (Singaporean uni) was actually not so good.

And it only hammers in the fact that God knows best.

So now, I've learned that when things don't go my way, I've got to take a step back and ask God, "Is this what you wanted me to do?"

It isn't easy, believe me. In my mind, I actually threw a mini-tantrum. (-_-") And I cried. A lot. When no one was watching.

Don't laugh. Even though it's childish, I admit.

My post was delayed because I was busy seeking God's direction. My parents, after discussion and prayer, feel that I should apply to Australia, even though it's farther from home than Singapore. I have done so... and I'm praying that this is what God's will for me has been all along.

I'm still a child in so many ways. But thank God for being a wonderful Father.

Love you all, and may God bless you and keep you.

Yours truly,
Joanna
A Minister's Daughter

Jeremiah 29:11

UPDATE: I've been fasting lately. Strangely (or maybe not so strangely), the immoral images that used to fill my mind have all but vanished. To God be the glory. God, please continue to give me strength. As for the secular music issue, I'm listening more to Christian music and it's helping. The obsession is weakening... I think. But still, prayer would be appreciated. :)