Dear Reader,
As I look back on the story of my life in the year 2013 (poetic, no?) I realize that I have changed. This is undoubtedly by God's grace.
I recall being frustrated and anxious in January 2013. I had wanted to quickly finish my high school program on time in order to get my transcript and to submit applications to the Singaporean universities I had my eye on. I was enthralled by the K-pop group U-KISS and was close to worshipping them. I was bursting with the agony of hiding my sin from my family. And most importantly of all, I felt that I was unworthy to be noticed by God.
Let's move on to February, where I finally sent in all the documents needed for my applications to the Singaporean unis after graduating from high school. Guilt was gnawing at me, and, in a mini-breakdown, I confessed my sin to my family. It wasn't a pleasant thing. And I cried for a week after, overwhelmed by the fact that my family and God -- yes, God -- still loved me no matter what I had done. For the first time in this year... I knew beyond a doubt that God could forgive my transgression.
March, April, May passed me by as I struggled to relearn the biblical principles I should have known by heart and to regain the trust of my family.
Then June came. And it was then that a huge blow was delivered that had me question my self-worth. The Singaporean universities rejected my application. While I was wallowing in self-pity, my parents forced me to pick myself up and send off more applications, this time to Australia. I remember doubting them, inwardly shaking my head and bitterly preparing myself for another rejection. But then, God worked a miracle, and I was accepted at one of Australia's famed Great Eight universities. Shock gave way to gratitude to God, for paving the way, for showing me what He wanted me to do.
July, August, September, October disappeared in a flurry as God guided me step-by-step into what He had planned for me. Those months also passed as my obsession with U-KISS grew.
Two momentous things happened in November. Firstly, with the support of those around me, I made a strong, firm decision. I wasn't going to let U-KISS take over the place that should belong to God, and by His grace, I severed my ties to that group and fandom. (I made a new friend from that experience, though, and, since we both left the U-KISS fandom, we are both spending time growing in the Lord.) The second thing is that I won NaNoWriMo! (A contest where you write a 50,000 word novel in thirty days -- more info at nanowrimo.org)
It's the end of December now. I've spent most of this month with visiting relatives and guests (quite predictably). But if you were to compare my current state of mind with that of January 2013, you would find, I hope, a difference.
I'm at peace, knowing that God holds my future in the palm of His hand. I am free from the burden of guilt that had weighed me down, because He removed it. And I have the desire to grow in Him.
This is my last post for 2013. I will always remember this year as the time when God showed His grace and mercy on my life.
Thank you all, my dear readers, for sticking with me during this adventure. Hopefully, I will see you all in 2014. May God bless you all.
Yours Truly,
Joanna
A Minister's Daughter
