Playing With Fire

EDIT: I wrote this blog post with the homeschooling community in mind. However, as some of my readers pointed out, the issue of sin is a universal thing. I have changed the wording to reflect this, but I would like to emphasize that homeschoolers would still face the problem of sin.

I would advise you to read with caution. I am aware that some parents extensively censor what their children read. However, I believe that this is something people need to know.


Dear Reader,

The descent into sin isn't an immediate one. It is a slow process that drags you in, bit by bit.

My very first encounter with things of a sexual nature was when I was maybe seven/eight. It's been so long ago that I hardly remember.




My parents had bought a movie about ballet dancing. They had to go somewhere for a while, so they said that I could watch a movie since I had behaved well.

I chose to watch that movie. Only to find a sexual scene in it.

My parents were not aware that there was such a scene. They thought it was harmless, since it looked like it was just about ballet. They were naturally shocked when I told them about it once they returned.

However, that scene stayed with me. Even now, when I look back, I can recall fuzzy details about what I had seen.

It wasn't until I was thirteen/fourteen that I delved further. I was reading something on the Internet and it had described - in detail - sexual intercourse.

Of course, the first time I saw it, I stammered and quickly closed the page.

But later on I opened it again. And read.

All the while, as I read, I felt something screaming inside of me, "Don't!"

But I read. And I awakened forbidden desires before the time.

We all know that we should save our virginity for marriage. It is something our parents teach us, our pastor teaches us, our church teaches us, the Bible teaches us.

But, in my mind, I excused myself, thinking, "But they never said I shouldn't read about it. It's just for knowledge. It's nothing big. I'll never actually have sex before marriage since my parents are actively aware of who I'm friends with. Just one time, and I won't read it again."

I was wrong.

I managed to shove it away from me for some years by reading the Bible everyday.

At age sixteen I stopped reading the Bible daily. Not long after, I started reading those things again.

I constantly read this pornographic material. I would read them on my phone at night when my family was asleep. Sometimes, when I dared, I would even read them during the day when I'm surrounded by people.

Give the devil an inch and he'll take the whole yard.

So what's the point of this?

Don't play with fire. Don't even go looking for that material.

Because once you do, I promise you that it's very difficult for you to desire to remain pure until marriage.

It will sear your conscience. I read so much until my conscience barely made a sound in protest when I did.

I began to lust. I began to sin in my mind. I'd imagine doing the deed.

I began looking for porn just to fulfill this.

Thank God for the anti-porn laws in my country. Thank God for suddenly snapping me awake at that moment.

If you have never gone through this, then praise the Lord. And maintain that mental purity. Don't ever think, "This will never happen to me." IT CAN HAPPEN TO ANYONE! I should know. I once thought that too.

If you have gone/are going through this, then I want to tell you something right now. God can forgive. God's love is great. You might think, "This time I've gone too far. This time, God can't possibly forgive a sinner like me. How can He accept a sinful one like me?"

News flash for you. HE IS ABLE TO FORGIVE! The only catch is to rely on HIS STRENGTH, NOT YOURS! Because if you rely on your own strength, if you think, "I've got to cleanse myself of this sin first before I can approach God," you. Will. Fail. Miserably.

I tried to do the same. And it would go on and on in a never-ending cycle of sinning, resolving to not do it again, trying to cleanse myself, failing, and sinning.

So don't think that. Throw yourself into God's arms. Hold up the white flag of surrender. Tell God, "I'm sorry! I can't rely on myself anymore. I know I'm not strong enough. I need You to help me."

He will help you if you mean it. Just like He is helping me, even now.

The struggle to remain pure will last all your life. But it's a worthwhile effort.

Don't forget Jesus loves and forgives. Don't play with fire.

Yours truly,
Jo
A Minister's Daughter

Hosea 14:1-9